valentines and ashes

Ash Wednesday falls on February 14 this year which, of course, is also Valentine's Day.  My clergy friend, Larry Jacobson, shared in a FB post that since 1900, Valentine's day has fallen on Ash Wednesday only 4 times:  1923, 1934, 1945, and 2018.  So this Ash Wednesday will be special in many ways.  In response to my friend's post I pointed out that in the old Methodist Book of Worship, the "Service of Marriage," falls right in between the "Service for the Celebration of the Dead," and the "Service of Holy Communion."  I have, for years, felt that that placement was symbolic of the fact that for a marriage to thrive, there must be a "dying to ourselves" and a consistent communion and fellowship with our Lord (hopefully on that part of both spouses).  Perhaps the uniting of Ash Wednesday and Valentine's day is symbolic for us as well...

Years ago I heard a radio interview with Christian writer, Pam Ferrel, who said she wished we could have a change in the traditional marriage vows.  Traditionally the vows couples share is a pledge to "love, honor, and cherish" one another.  Personally I think these are wonderful vows.  But Ms Ferrel suggested that we add to the vows the promise to, "forgive."  I was "taken back" when I first heard her say this, but over the years I've come to believe there is wisdom in her suggestion.  The truth is that forgiveness is one of the most essential qualities of a successful marriage.  Let's face it, when I perform a wedding there are many things I cannot predict about the couple's life together.  I cannot predict how many children they will have.  I cannot predict if they will be financially successful.  I cannot predict if they will be healthy into old age.  But there is one thing I can predict:  at some point in their marriage the couple will disappoint and hurt one another.  It is simply impossible for a couple to live in close relationship with each other, for a long period of time, without, at some point, speaking or behaving in a way that is going to cause pain.  The question is:  when the hurts come will forgiveness be sought for and extended?  I believe couples who have learned to "confess their sins" to one another and, in reciprocal manner, extend grace and forgiveness to one another, are couples who have the best chance of making marriage last.

Ash Wednesday is a day for us to acknowledge and confess our sins.  This acknowledgment of one's sins is no doubt primarily to be offered to God.  But it is also a reminder that we should be quick to acknowledge when we have offended our spouse (and others whom we love) and sincerely ask for their forgiveness.  The Valentine's part of the equation is that "Love covers a multitude of sins."  (1 Peter 4:8).  When one truly acknowledges to us that they are sorry for the pain and hurt they have caused us, it behoves us to be gracious and to forgive them fully.  What a wonderful joy it is, relationally, to "wipe the slate clean" and to go forward with one another in the spirit of love.

So I do hope that February 14, 2024 (Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday) will be a special day.  I pray it will be a day when the confession of sin and the full measure of God's love will be shared by many; first through their relationship with God and secondly, through their relationship with one another.