let love be sincere

Over the course of 46 years of ministry I've performed hundreds of weddings (pictured above - me with Kira & Walter Wilson).  When asking each couple, "Why do you want to get married?" they inevitably say, "Because we love each other."  Quite frankly, I think this is an honest and sincere response.  However, if I talk to these couples some years later they usually will tell me that, through their life together,  they have grown in their understanding of the meaning of love.  Perhaps, in some ways, they will have grown to understand what Paul meant when he said, "Let love be sincere" (Rom. 12:9-12)...

In this passage we read:

Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord's people who are in need.  Practice hospitality.

The passage continues for several additional verses but with even these four we have a number of principles to ponder.  How do we show that our love for one another is sincere?

1.  Hate evil and cling to what is good.  
Unfaithfulness to one's spouse is evil.  Being manipulative, controlling, and abusive is evil.  Holding on to grudges and resentments so that you can "hold them over" your partner is evil.  Good is the opposite of all of these.  Best selling marriage author, Michelle Weiner-Davis has said that almost everything we do or say either draws us closer to our partner or separates us from true intimacy.  By rejecting evil and clinging to what is good we experience sincere love in our relationships.

2.  Be devoted to one another.
Being devoted will take on many forms throughout the marriage life cycle.  In the early stages it may mean blocking out time to spend with your spouse.  In the middle stages it may mean being a true partner in the responsibilities of parenthood.  In the later stages it may mean tending to your partner's needs as illness or affliction become a reality.  It will take on different forms throughout the marriage but at every stage it will send a message:  "I am here for you!"

3.  Honor one another.
This may be another way of saying, "Value one another."  We honor one another when we value their hopes and dreams.  We honor one another when we value who they are and the gifts they bring to the relationship.  We honor one another when we value our partners needs and strive to attend to their concerns.  To honor one another means that we do all that we can to let them know that they are special and important.

4.  Keep your spiritual fever and serve the Lord.
I once heard spiritual formation writer, Ruth Haley Barton, say that "the best gift a leader can bring to an organization is themselves in transformation."  The same is true of a marriage.  The best thing we can offer our partner is ourself - growing in our faith and being steadfast in our spiritual zeal and service.  When our hearts are right with the Lord they tend to be right with our family as well.

​5.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
People, especially our immediate family, are watching as to how we handle the difficulties and stresses of life.  For some, difficulties reveal the "faults" in their character.  For others, their hope, joy, patience, and prayerful approach set the stage for deeper and deeper experiences of love. Which will it be for you?

6.  Share with the Lord's people in need.  Practice hospitality.
How does this principle prove that our love is sincere in our marital relationship?  It is usually something that couples do together.  As love is sincere for one another, couples can "join hands" in sharing a sincere love with a world that desperately needs to see "the love of Jesus in action."

Today is Valentines day and the whole month of February is one that reminds us of the importance of love.  But hopefully today this can take on a new and deeper meaning.  Hopefully it won't just mean sharing a card or candy or even an evening out to dinner.  Hopefully today will be a day when we will renew our commitment to Let Love Be Sincere!