what can we do?

Roses are blooming now.  They are beautiful but I have to remind myself, when examining them, that there are also thorns.  One can enjoy the sight but if not careful a painful "stick" might be a part of the experience.  It reminds me that though life can be very beautiful there can be times of pain as well.  

There is a word that I'm hearing far too often these days.  It is a word that accompanies one of the most painful events that an individual or family can experience.  It is the word Suicide.  This word, it seems, is in the news (or a blog post) almost every day.  The incidence of suicide among military personnel is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among students (college and high school) is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among those recently retired is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among those struggling with depression and grief is on the rise.  In short, the incidence of suicide is increasing at an alarming rate!  
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Prevention Is The Key
The reasons for suicide are many:  deep grief, overwhelming circumstances, isolation (feeling that no one really cares), humiliation (today often a result of being bullied or teased), loss of hope, anger and the need for revenge.  These, and other feelings all contribute to people reaching a decision that ending their on life is their only choice.  In a world where we have instant opportunity for communication through phones, social media, and email, there has never been a time when so many people have felt ignored, lonely, and afraid.  The numerous hours spent on electronic devices has not enhanced our sense of community; in fact is has contributed to a greater sense of isolation.  ​Many are asking the question:  What can we do?  Though this is not the place for a comprehensive discussion on suicide prevention, there are three practical things I think each of us can do...

1) Recognize when others are hurting and acknowledge their emotional pain.
In the story of the "feeding of the 4,000" we are told that "Jesus saw the crowds and was moved with compassion."  One of the first steps to suicide intervention is to "see and hear" that someone around us is emotionally in distress.  Many people, not all, will make statements in hopes that someone will notice that they are not doing well.  Sometimes these "warning statements" are alarming and our tendency may be to respond by changing the subject or simply walking away.  But letting others know we have heard their pain may be the first (and most important) step to interrupting their destructive pattern of thinking.  Statements such as, "Wow your situation sounds so difficult, I'm sorry you are having to go through this."  Or, "It sounds like you've been hurting for some time; I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time of life for you."  These are simple and basic statements, but one's that let the other person know that you are aware of their pain and (most importantly) that you care enough to acknowledge their pain.

2) Re-direct the conversation by asking questions which invite them to focus on hope.
Questions such as, "This is such a difficult time for you, suppose tomorrow you were feeling just a little bit better; what would you notice?"  Or, "You have been struggling for such a long time, how have you found the courage and strength to move forward each day up to now?"  The fact is, everyone has a life story of hurt and pain.  But in the same regards, everyone has a life story of resiliency and strength.  By asking simple questions we can aid the individual to shift their mental focus from their pain to their resilience.  By asking key questions we can encourage them to shift their thinking from distress to hope.

3) Refer to an emergency agency or trusted therapist.
You don't have to become (nor should you try if you are not qualified) their therapist; but you can assist them  in finding a mental health professional that can address their current need.  The "Suicide and Crisis Hotline" is easy to remember; it is 988.  Local emergency rooms are ready to assist those in emotional crisis and put them in contact with appropriate resources.  If you have a personal relationship with a therapist you trust you can make a referral and it would be best to contact your source before the individual calls and give them a "heads up" regarding the situation.

Prevention Is The Key
Over the years, I have had to help too many deal with the emotional grief and distress of loosing a family member or friend to suicide.  Anything we can do to avoid this tragic outcome is worth our time and effort.  So please keep these "three R's" in mind; and if I can help you further, please give me a call: 918-914-HOPE.  I'm glad to assist in any way I can.

When the beauty of one's life seems "overcome by pain," I pray that someone will be there.  I pray that someone will be there to listen, to encourage, and to care.  It may not seem like much - but it may be just enough.  I am convinced that in face of the alarming rise of suicide, there are things that each of us can do!