take a look at yourself

My cousin is a retired attorney.  Years ago he told me something that I've remembered to this day.  He told me that he regularly tells his clients, "I can protect you from many things:  I can protect you from unsubstantiated allegations.  I can protect you from legal harassment.  I can protect you from unfair legal process.  But there is one thing I cannot protect you from - I cannot protect you from yourself!"  What he was referring to was the damage a client can do if they make bad decisions or begin to speak openly about their case in ways that can be used against them.  What he was saying is a reinforcement of the well know truth:  sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  As I've pondered this precept over the years I'm convinced that this is true in many areas of life...

Biblically I am struck by the fact that it is we ourselves who continuously damage our relationship with God.  
Over these past few months my Bible reading plan has taken me through the books of Kings and Chronicles.  Much of these historical books describe the reign of various kings of Israel and Judah.  A few of the kings do stand out for their desire to follow the Lord.  But for most of them, what is described is trouble that comes upon them (and the nation) usually because they willfully choose to forsake the laws of God.  The Old Testament prophets constantly remind them that God wants to protect them, bless them, guide them, and make them to prosper.  But when things go wrong (crisis with health, economic calamity, attacks by foreign powers) these kings are clearly told, "You have forsaken your God!"  I'm convinced that this is true of us as well.  Sometimes bad things do in fact happen to Godly people; but more often than not, the tragic situations we face are a result of our own poor judgment.

Psychologically as well we are often our own worst enemy.  
I find this often to be true when we try to over analyze and "fix" ourselves.  I remember years ago I was struggling with a season of anxiety.  There were a lot of things going on in my life (working on my doctorate, pastoring a growing church, adopting a baby) and it all seemed overwhelming to me.  As my anxiety continued to grow I finally sought help from a professional counselor who told me, "Allen, there is nothing wrong with you; you are just  focusing on yourself."  He then handed me a tac and told me to hold it between my finger and my thumb.  He then told me to press until it was too uncomfortable.  He asked me what I noticed.  I told him, "The harder I press the more it hurts!"  He said, "This is what you are doing psychologically - the more you focus on your anxiety and try to figure out what's wrong, the worse it gets."  He said, "just get back to focusing on your day to day tasks and let the anxiety 'process itself through.'"  So I did and "it did", and soon I was at peace and functioning well once again.  Sometimes we make things worse by trying to "fix ourself" instead of getting some professional help or, at a more basic level, turning our eyes on Jesus and allowing him to see us through.

Relationally I think this principle is relevant as well.  
When things "go south" in our relationships it is easy to blame the other person for our toxic encounters.  My guess is that there probably will be some truth in our accusations (others too have their own sin and blind spots), but Jesus encourages us first to "take the log out of our own eye" before we try to "take the speck" out of others eyes.  Accepting responsibility for our own words, attitudes, and actions can go a long way in changing the course of our relationship.

So what I am saying is simply this - before we conclude that God is unfair or that He has forsaken us; before we conclude that we have a brain tumor or some deep psychological disorder; before we "write another person off" as being unkind, unreasonable or even evil; perhaps we should take a look at ourself and simply ask the question:  "Am I exacerbating my own problems?"  I'm afraid that too often for me the answer has been "yes."

The goal of "taking a look at ourself" is not to "beat ourselves up," or "put ourselves down," or even to become fixated on the details of how to solve our own problem.  The goal is to quickly identify: where we need to "let go," what we need to "repent from," when we need to say, "I'm sorry," and how we need to "press on" and simply do something different.  Why not give it a try.  You may find that life is a lot easier when you are not your own worst enemy!