There are some areas of life where we are forced to make "either/or" decisions.  It is sort of like a "coin toss."  The choice can only be "heads" or "tails."  But many times, especially in the arena of personal relationships and group options, "either/or" thinking is a fallacy which leads to struggles and conflict.  We especially see this in the area of couple's disputes:  The wife wants things her way; the husband wants things his way.  A power struggle ensues as each tries to convince (manipulate) the other.  But through my training as a family therapist (and especially my training in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy) I've come to believe that there is usually an "Our Way" which can help a couple move forward with renewed hope.  Now I'm not talking about a simple compromise; rather I'm talking about the discovery of a shared vision that embraces the true hopes and dreams of both parties.  Unfortunately, I believe that our country (like many couples) has fallen prey to the plight of "either/or" thinking when it comes to many of the issues that are before us today.  One in particular is the issue of immigration.

It is not often that I plunge into the waters of political opinion.  But I truly believe there is a way forward from the deep division in which our nation finds itself.  As I listen to the arguments, from both political sides, its seems to me that the primary concern of one group is that of National Safety while the primary concern of the other side is that of Compassion.    But somehow it seems that we have fallen victim to the thinking that Safety and Compassion are mutually exclusive ("either/or') outcomes.  I do not believe that they are.  In fact, I believe that pursing national safety in a way that shows compassion is the answer to this current national struggle.  Suppose that Safety and Compassion could live together.  How would the merger of these two qualities speak to our immigration policy?  I would suggest the following...

We've been enjoying the work of getting the Christmas lights up on my house.  Advent has now begun and the "Season of Joy and Light" is in full swing.  Beth has been helping me "test the lights" by letting me "light her up" with each string.  She is a good helper and also seems to enjoy helping me with this project.  This season can bring joy in so many ways.  For many though, this "season of joy" is also a "season of grief."  Over the past year (or past several years) many have lost loved ones and the sense of loss is especially strong as they try to navigate through Christmas traditions and family gatherings.  The question that's on their mind is, "How will I find joy in the Christmas season when my grief is so real?" The question is a complex one and a specific answer is unique to each individual, but I believe there are some helpful truths that we can all think about...

Last week our neighbor was frantic - a little bird had gotten itself caught in one of her outdoor "insect glue traps."  In an effort to free itself the little bird became more "trapped" and had glue all over his feathers and feet.  Very carefully, Kristi and Phylis (our neighbor) pulled the bird loose from the trap.  Still, the bird could not fly; his feathers were too "gummed up" from the glue.  The question now became, "How do you safely remove glue from feathers?"  Kristi took the bird to two local Vets who told her to first wash the bird in Canola oil and then with Dawn dish soap and water.  With a little tinder love and care, Kristi soon had the bird "cleaned up" - but, he still didn't seem able to fly.  We decided his feathers were still too heavy and wet.  So Kristi placed him in a shady place in the back yard (with our cat locked in the bed room) and allowed him to "air dry."  Before long he "took to the air" and rejoined his friends.  Now this may not sound like a lengthy process, but in fact, Kristi spent almost 1/2 of a day "lending a hand" to this little bird.  I think there are several lessons for us all...

Recently my wife was very upset.  She was working in our guest bedroom and while taking off her sweater she felt an ear ring come loose from her ear and she heard a "click" as it fell - somewhere!  She immediately began to look but in the shag carpet she couldn't find it  This ear ring was very special to her - it had been a gift to her from her mother many years ago.  She looked and looked, and I looked and looked, but it seemed to be nowhere.  After several days she was just about to give up hope (we needed to vacuum as company was coming) but then she decided to pray one more time.  Then God showed up...

Roses are blooming now.  They are beautiful but I have to remind myself, when examining them, that there are also thorns.  One can enjoy the sight but if not careful a painful "stick" might be a part of the experience.  It reminds me that though life can be very beautiful there can be times of pain as well.  

There is a word that I'm hearing far too often these days.  It is a word that accompanies one of the most painful events that an individual or family can experience.  It is the word Suicide.  This word, it seems, is in the news (or a blog post) almost every day.  The incidence of suicide among military personnel is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among students (college and high school) is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among those recently retired is on the rise.  The incidence of suicide among those struggling with depression and grief is on the rise.  In short, the incidence of suicide is increasing at an alarming rate!  
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Prevention Is The Key
The reasons for suicide are many:  deep grief, overwhelming circumstances, isolation (feeling that no one really cares), humiliation (today often a result of being bullied or teased), loss of hope, anger and the need for revenge.  These, and other feelings all contribute to people reaching a decision that ending their on life is their only choice.  In a world where we have instant opportunity for communication through phones, social media, and email, there has never been a time when so many people have felt ignored, lonely, and afraid.  The numerous hours spent on electronic devices has not enhanced our sense of community; in fact is has contributed to a greater sense of isolation.  ​Many are asking the question:  What can we do?  Though this is not the place for a comprehensive discussion on suicide prevention, there are three practical things I think each of us can do...

We all know that grandmothers are wonderful but some of them are actually amazing.  Last week my wife (Tumna to her grandkids) drove for two hours to watch our grand son run in a track meet.  Neither of Andy's parents were going to be able to attend and Kristi thought it was important for a family member to be there in order to "cheer him on."  Part of the problem, however, was that it was uncertain when, during the meet, Andy would run.  So, Kristi left home around 8:00 am. and arrived in Chickasha around 10:00.  As it ended up, Andy's "run" did not come until almost 3:30!  She sat in the stands for over 5 hours, (she didn't want to leave to get something to eat for she feared his run might come while she was gone and she would miss it.)  But she did eventually get to see him run.  He ran the 880, which is approximately 1/2 mile.  As you can imagine, the race didn't last very long.  When we drive to watch a soccer match at least we get to watch an entire game which usually starts on time and lasts for a little over an hour.  But Andy's 880 run lasted exactly  2 minutes and 35 seconds!  Kristi had driven two hours to the meet and waited over five hours to watch Andy run for 2 minutes and 35 seconds!  I submit to you that only a grandmother (a very special one) would do that.  Having watched Andy she decided she might as well stay and his friend Max.  She finally left the track meet around 5:00 and arrived home at 7:30 pm!  So I think you can understand the title of this post:  Grandmother's are Amazing!  I don't know of any other people who are filled with so much love.

Over the course of 46 years of ministry I've performed hundreds of weddings (pictured above - me with Kira & Walter Wilson).  When asking each couple, "Why do you want to get married?" they inevitably say, "Because we love each other."  Quite frankly, I think this is an honest and sincere response.  However, if I talk to these couples some years later they usually will tell me that, through their life together,  they have grown in their understanding of the meaning of love.  Perhaps, in some ways, they will have grown to understand what Paul meant when he said, "Let love be sincere" (Rom. 12:9-12)...

Ash Wednesday falls on February 14 this year which, of course, is also Valentine's Day.  My clergy friend, Larry Jacobson, shared in a FB post that since 1900, Valentine's day has fallen on Ash Wednesday only 4 times:  1923, 1934, 1945, and 2018.  So this Ash Wednesday will be special in many ways.  In response to my friend's post I pointed out that in the old Methodist Book of Worship, the "Service of Marriage," falls right in between the "Service for the Celebration of the Dead," and the "Service of Holy Communion."  I have, for years, felt that that placement was symbolic of the fact that for a marriage to thrive, there must be a "dying to ourselves" and a consistent communion and fellowship with our Lord (hopefully on that part of both spouses).  Perhaps the uniting of Ash Wednesday and Valentine's day is symbolic for us as well...

I recently retired after 46 years of pastoral ministry.  Though the time was right, I had no idea the degree to which this decision was going to put me, "out of sync."  This is a term I've encounter often through my computer use:  I need to "sync" my Contacts with my message App.  I need to "sync" my printer with my computer.  I need to "sync" my photos with the "cloud.'  The term is referring to a process whereby everything will work together in a coordinated way.  Upon retirement, however, I soon realized that my life was no longer "in sync."  This was largely due to the discovery that I had lost a sense of "rhythm" in my life.  

I had never realized how important "rhythm's" are to one's life.  For 46 years I had developed sort of a "life rhythm."  There was a daily rhythm: I tried to begin and end each day with a time of Bible reading and prayer.  At some point, each evening, I would spend some time praying with Kristi; after that I would spend some time reading.   At some point, each day, I would try to visit with Beth and John.  Upon retirement I have mostly been able to retain my sense of daily rhythm; but there was also a weekly rhythm and that is where things began to fall apart:  On Monday I would select hymns, prayers, scriptures, and a Call to Worship, for the worship bulletin.  On Tuesday I would deal with church and Conference business matters.  On Wednesday I would outline my sermon and do some visits with church members.  On Thursday I attended Ministerial Alliance, Kiwanis, or Methodist Men's group. On Thursday I would also try to "follow up" on visitors to the church.  Friday was sort of a day off.  On Saturday I did the final work on my sermon.  Sure, there were weeks when funerals, weddings and other events changed the schedule.  But for 46 years this had pretty much become my weekly rhythm.  But there were annual rhythms as well:  September involved Charge Conference preparation, October was the annual Stewardship Drive, November brought Thanksgiving and launched us into preparations for December and Advent.  Throughout the years there was sort of a "cycle" to my life, and I realize now that it was this "cycle" or "rhythm" that kept my life in "sync."!  But life is different now and I realize that though I hated the "stress" of Advent, I am going to miss the special services of worship I led and the Advent sermons I'm accustomed to preparing to share with our church family.  So, I find myself at a stage of life where I am striving to find a new rhythm.  I think the new rhythm will partly have to do with the continued development of my counseling practice.  I'm hoping my new rhythm will be a result of my spending time with God and discerning His plan for me in this new season of life.   I am also hoping that perhaps my new rhythm will begin to emerge as I journey through this season of Advent.  In short - I'm praying that Advent will be a time for me to "re-sync!"...

I recently got my 2002 Honda Odyssey back from the mechanic, there was a problem with the fan in the heating/air system and a part needed to be replaced.  I was worried when I first took it in; the car has 328,000 miles on it and I feared the problem might not be repairable.  But it was.  I got the car back and it works fine.  My hope is soon to buy a new car and give this one to my son (or someone else who needs it).  The resale value is very low and I can give it to someone who can still use it for local travel.  Many have told me that I am foolish for keeping my cars for so long, but for over 40 years this is a strategy that has worked for me.  I see no reason to change my approach now...